Here’s the new 2nd edition with endorsement by John Gray
To order/purchase the book click here
Book Overview| Testimonials| Marketing| Book Chapters
Who Should Read this Book . . .
Over the past 30 years, I have offered thousands of workshops and the one that consistently packs them in just from the title is “Don’t Be Nice, Be Real”. This is because so many people feel powerless and victimized by the people and circumstances of their lives. They are tired of being one of the nice dead people in the world. This book takes us from “doormat” to “obnoxious” as we learn to “Dance in rhythm to the beat of our own soul and to develop skills to enjoy it when others freak out”. Next we “evolve our selfishness” to balance getting our short term needs met with staying in harmony with those around us, with Chapters like “How to rock the boat without drowning anyone”.
“Don’t Be Nice, Be Real”
is for the people who really buy books;
women between the ages of 27 – 62. This book is for these women and for everyone who is starting to understand that the primary problem in all their relationships is “Self Abandonment”. It’s for everyone who has ever given in or up on their needs and that’s all of us. Now finally, this book
gives us permission not only to be Selfish but to see “The Spirituality of
Selfishness”.
One of the book’s many totally unique and timely messages is that
‘compromise’ is lose/lose, unnecessary, and often just a way to share their sentiment.
This book is about Compassion Without Compromise. Once we learn to expand our Selfishness Skills we can always find a way to create a shift, synergy, or a solution. I speak from my experience working with gangs in S.E. San Diego, corporations like Paul Mitchell Systems and Tony Robbins Research International, and hundreds of churches and schools.
You need more than ‘hot talk’ to work in the ‘hot spots’ as I write of my experiences training combined groups of Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland, Palestinians and Israelis in the Middle East, and among the Croats, Serbs, and Muslims of the Balkans in Nonviolent Communication(sm).
YOU COULD MAKE A MAJOR DIFFERENCE BY:
*Emailing me if you would be interested in helping with specific promotional tasks in trade for NVC training, coaching or counseling.
• Choosing your favorite bookstore in each neighborhood near you. Call the buyer. Tell her or him you want to choose a bookstore to refer friends to buy the book, but want to be sure they always have copies in stock –if she or he agrees to order 5 copies, you’ll refer friends living near their store exclusively to them. Be sure, though, to follow-up – about a week later. The sooner you do this, the sooner the book registers on computers as being in demand, thus stimulating more orders from affiliated stores….
• Notifying relevant web sites (Religious, Ecology, New Age, Peacemaking orgs., Psychology, Businesses, Individuals, Community, Family, Violence Prevention, Mediation), asking them to link to mine. Give them my permission to reprint any of the information from my website, including segments from the book, about Compassionate Nonviolent Communication(sm) on their web site. My website is www.LanguageofCompassion.com
• Purchasing a copy prior to Christmas from BarnesandNoble.com or Amazon.com as a Christmas present. If you purchase now the stores are more likely to reorder.
• If you like “Don’t be Nice, Be Real” click on my web page here at Amazon.com
or just go to Amazon.com and type in my name or book title and my page will come write up. Go to the bottom of the page and click E-mail a friend about this item, or go to the “Friends and Favorites” section and recommend it, or go to the Discussion Board and post something about it for others.
*Or write a review for Amazon.com The review can be as brief as “Great book. I liked it because it was readable.” The best reviews include not only whether you liked or disliked it, but also why. See sample reviews below.
• Emailing any of the media you watch, listen to, or read with the info from the web site. If you do a letter-to-the-editor, contact the letters editor before and after you send it — it will almost always be published that way. Or call a live talk show — ask a guest what she or he thinks about something “Don’t be Nice, Be Real”. Or call a TV producer (their info is usually on their web site) to suggest me as a guest. (There is a ton of promotion type writing about me you can copy from my website) If someone expresses an interest, ask her or him to contact me at 831-462-3277.
* Email internet bulletin boards about Kelly’s events. Email Kelly if interested & he will send you the simple directions for that w/ the event list.
• Organizing a speaking engagement. Then just email me and we can brainstorm from there….
- Do Internet Research and email me the
results: I need info about:
- Local organizations or media that need speakers or writings– include
contact person and their email. - Names and emails of philosophically aligned organizations that might be
willing to forward an email about my book or create a link to their website. - Conferences, gatherings, meetings where a presentation about
Communication, New Culture, Nonviolence, Love Relationships, Families,
Community would fit w/contact name and email.
4. Organizing a speaking engagement. Then just email me and we can brainstorm
from there….
5. Starting a book club, or suggest Don’t Be Nice, Be Real at the book club
you already attend. Or read the book with a few friends who are also reading it,
and then meet to talk about your reactions and responses.
6. Publishing a book review or announcement in your local school, church or
community or professional organization newsletters. If you are not the writerly
type, let Kelly know by email or phone and we will give you a couple of reviews
that you might want to rewrite or submit.
7. Send a copy to your favorite charitable organization, or send a copy to a
famous person you admire with a note explaining the ways Don’t Be Nice, Be Real
has been useful in your life.
- Email Kelly for an article from the book and send it to a magazine,
newspaper, radio program, friend, church, business, website, email list. (Or
down load it from my website.) - Copy part or all of this email and send it to your email list.
- Email me with your networking or marketing or publicity ideas.
- Much of my book is posted on my website in article form, where it can be
printed or copied.
*Â Copy an chapter/article from above and send it to a magazine, newspaper,
radio program, friend, church, business, website, email list. Be sure to include
the following contact info.:
“Don’t be Nice, Be Real” A Handbook for Compassionate
Communication by Kelly Bryson MFT can be preordered from the website: www.LanguageofCompassion.com.
Kelly is available for speaking on many topics and training in Nonviolent
Compassionate Communication.
- Copy part or all of this email and send it to your email list.
- •To help my book rise in the rankings:Just go to www.Amazon.com
& search for my book Don’t be Nice, be RealOr to GO directly there click:
Then see “Customer Reviews”. Double click it and follow the steps.
Even just 2 words helps. (There are also sample reviews on my website www.LanguageofCompassion.com/kellys_Book.htm)
Doing any one of these will be a great help.
Sincerely grateful for your kind help,
Kelly Bryson MFT
Topics
& Chapters
Conflict
Resolution:
Peacemaking with Nonviolent Communication(sm) in Bosnia,
Middle East, and N. Ireland.
Scarcity
of Time & Money:
Becoming a
Non-Rushin’ Unorthodox
Love:
Do you Want to be Right or have a Meaningful
Relationship?,
Empathy
for Self & Others:
The
Tyranny of the Should:
Are
you having a Roomate problem with Yourself? “Shaking the Shoulds”
Communities
with Compassion:
A
Culture of Compassion Without Compromise:Â It Takes a Village to Raise
a Relationship
Blame
& Disempowerment
How
Therapists become “They’re pisseds'”
Codependency & Recognition:
For Additional Chapters like:
Don’t Pay the Price of Being Nice
The Duty Giver
Perfecting your Selfishness
When Push comes to Hug
The Need for Approval is Really a Hole in
the Soul
To order the book click on Publications on the Home Page
Marketing:
Because of my 30 years of experience on the workshop/speaking tour I have developed thousands of personal and professional connections which will be invaluable in marketing my book. Besides the hundreds of church bookstores, many teaching institutions, health centers and conventions, I have developed connections with people in the media, influential authors and leaders who have all expressed interest in helping me once my book is completed.
Please help me get the word out about Nonviolent Communication(sm) and this book by reading the following letter and doing what you can:
Dear Supporter of Peace and Passion,
I want to contribute to the creation of small communities and a larger culture based on Compassion and Consensus. To do this I have written a book called “Don’t Be Nice, Be Real.” A Handbook to compassionate communication.
Three minutes (or of course more) of your time could really help get book stores and outlets to reorder during this critical next two months. (Dr. Rosenberg and other well known authors have endorsed it.
It has also been selected by Barnes and Nobles for front table placement and promotion)
With the resources and networking I will generate I hope to bring to various communities
- More Free community building events
- An intentional community with facilities as a Spiritual/Social Hub.
- A community building we can all use.
- Free facilitated small groups for processing, support, mastermind coaching and building small local community groups
THE PRINCIPLES AND VALUES PROMOTED IN THE BOOK:
- Nonviolent Compassionate Communication
- Equalized Relationships between Women and Men
- The Skill of Empathy  *Prevention and cures for jealousy and scarcity
- Spirituality Based on Compassion
- Love without conditions
- Ecological relationship with Mother Earth
- A Morality based on consensus instead of coercion, compassion instead of control, and pleasure instead of pain.
• Emailing any of the media you watch, listen to, or read with the info from the web site. If you do a letter-to-the-editor, contact the letters editor before and after you send it — it will almost always be published that way. Or call a live talk show — ask a guest what she or he thinks about something “Don’t be Nice, Be Real”. Or call a TV producer (their info is usually on their web site) to suggest me as a guest. (There is a ton of promotion type writing about me you can copy from my website) If someone expresses an interest, ask her or him to contact me at (831)-462-3277
• Organizing a speaking engagement. Then just email me and we can brainstorm from there….
Sample Book endorsements for you to copy and/or revise:
“This book will make you laugh, and it will make you cry, sometimes with
the next breath. Fresh and thought-provoking, it will jar you into a level of
authentic experience you may never have been truly in touch with before.”
“Kelly Bryson is a rare being, a counselor who can take a fiercely
honest look at himself, his profession, and his clients. By laying bare his own
soul and the soul of humankind, he comes up with some unsettling and
unconventional answers to the big questions of happiness and
relationships.”
“This book is breathtakingly original. I guarantee that on these pages
you will find concepts and ideas that will shatter your illusions, even while
giving you hope in the emergence of a new self based on utter
authenticity.”
“If you want an easy ride, settling into the intellectual sofa of
another platitudinous self help book, then DON’T BUY THIS BOOK! It will
startle you, shock you, make you think, and lead you to question every behavior
you learned was valuable for getting along in the world.”
“As I have begun to live the principles taught in this book our life and
relationships have dramatically improved. I have much more harmony, much less
resentment, more hugging, less tugging, more living the power of love, less
living the love of power. The book is hilarious and holy, and will convince of
the spirituality and practicality of putting your Spiritual Self first.”
“If you are tired of being one of the ‘nice dead people’ in the world,
buy this terrific book. It will guide you from depressed “doormat”
through overly “obnoxious” aggressiveness to an evolved, enlightened,
empathic assertiveness. Kelly’s real life stories, hilarious humor and
refreshing theories teach the mechanics of integrity with and loyalty to
oneself.”
“The simple technology of Nonviolent Compassionate Communication
outlined throughout this book is the quickest way I know to cure “Nice-itis”,
the disease that causes one to abandon oneself. The profound and practical witty
wisdom obviously comes from a real-life integration of Kelly’s 30 years as a
relationship counselor.”
“If we are to move from a Dominator to a Partnership Culture we will
need new and powerful tools and communication skills. The Nonviolent
Compassionate Communication skills taught in this book offer a practical
knowledge of how to make the paradigm shift from “obedience” to
patriarchal authority to a mutually respectful “negotiation of needs”
in the board room and most importantly in the bedroom.”
“As long as the word “obey” is a part of our marriage vow
paradigm we will continue to have war in the bedroom, boardroom and between our
borders. The mechanics and spirit of Nonviolent Compassionate Communication,
expressed in this book, offer a powerful guide to compassionately equalizing
power and creating the quality of connection between people necessary for
“deep harmony.””
“Kelly’s humorous and insightful approach to awakening “the nice
dead people” to a greater authenticity is true edu-tainment. His cures for
“Nice-itis”, like applying ‘Compassion without Compromise’, take
universal communication principles and package them in a playful, user friendly
form.”
“Kelly explores the dynamics, costs and cures of perhaps the primary
relationship issue – ‘Self Abandonment.’ He draws form his experience as a
trainer for the Centers for Nonviolent Communication(sm), adds his own unique blend
of wit, wisdom and humor to create this playful yet illuminating book.”
What well known people have said about my book:
“Prepare yourself for some unsettling and unconventional answers to the big questions of happiness and relationships. Kelly¹s real life stories, humor and refreshing theories teach the mechanics of integrity and authenticity.â€
John Gray, Ph.D.
Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
“Kelly takes his experience as a counselor and trainer for the Centers for Nonviolent Communication, adds his own wit, wisdom and humor to create an entertaining expression of universal communication principles and self awareness insights.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
Founder of the Centers for Nonviolent Communication.
“No one can fully love until they are fully real. Don’t Be Nice, Be Real takes important steps toward teaching us how to be real, and therefore how to love.”
Warren Farrell, Ph.D.
Author, Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say and The Myth of Male Power
“Thanks for taking Morrie’s inspiration to heart.”
Mitch Albom
Author of Tuesdays with Morrie, and The Five people you meet in Heaven.
“Kelly Bryson is a sincere, honest, open-minded, compassionate, and creative communicator, with a wily wit. I honor Kelly for the wealth of experience he has gathered in nonviolent communication, and the way he has put his lessons together in Don’t Be Nice, Be Real. Practicing the techniques in this book can move you out of old patterns and bring greater authenticity and aliveness to your life and relationships. ”
Alan Cohen
Author of I Had It All the Time, A Deep Breath of Life, The Dragon doesn’t Live here anymore, Are you as Happy as your Dog? & 17 other best selling books.
“This book is a must read if you want to move beyond diagnostic categories, and toward the intimacy that comes from genuinely sharing your reality. Kelly Bryson speaks with authority about how to shift from angry defensiveness and control to relationships based on compassionate authenticity.â€
Brad Blanton, Ph.D.
Author of Radical Honesty and co-author (with Neale Donald Walsch) of Honest To God
“I feel like our souls wrote this book together, as I am so aligned with it’smessage. I am privileged and honored to endorse it. It is a breathtakingly
original mix of humor, radical wisdom, and new culture spirituality. Superbly written, easy to read, great stories, shatters the illusions that cause ‘self abandonment’, and unwraps dynamics of freedom and security, the mystery of love relationships.â€
Stan Dale
Founder of the Human Awareness Institute, author, featured on Oprah, Donahue, Geraldo, on faculty of the Inst. For the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and voice of the “Lone Rangerâ€
“In living the principles taught in this simple yet profound book, my life has dramatically improved. I now experience more harmony, more hugging, more laughter, and much more love! Kelly’s style is hilarious and holy – and will convince readers of all ages of the spiritual practicality of putting oneself first.”
Diana Loomans
Author of “Full Esteem Ahead”, “The Laughing Classroom”, Positively Mother Goose, and The Lovables, President of the Quantum Success Institute & Global Learning
“Learning to speak my heart fully without blame or shame, and learning to reach into the experience of another through empathy – these have been two great gifts of Nonviolent Communication(sm).”
Vicki Robin
Co-author, YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE, co-founder of The New Roadmap Foundation
What the Book is about
This book comes through an understanding of and life commitment to, two seeming opposite values. First is a fierce, passionate love for Me 1st and Only. Second is an intoxicating addiction to the experience and practice of compassion with all life forms. It explains and gives examples of the sweet inseparability of passion for self and compassion for others.
Skills, approaches and techniques are outlined to “evolve our selfishness” so that we not only get our short term needs met but maintain connection and harmony with those meeting our needs. The book is a confirmation of the power and essential goodness of asserting our needs. All our needs are divine gifts to each other.
It’s about how and why to have a non-coercive, compassionate relationship with your self, your time, your money, your loved ones, your productivity and your creativity. This book explores how we give away our power, choices and dignity to other people and socially controlling myths and how to individually take that power back. I show how being a “nice, conflict avoiding person” contributes to depression and lack of fulfillment in one’s interpersonal and creative life. This is a whole new way of thinking about our needs that allows us to express them without the fear of rejection, withdrawal or punishment.
I wrote this book out of my own selfish desire to get more attention, more opportunities to speak and share my witty, wise and wonderful self, more money, more recognition, and more workshop participants. It came also from my compassion for all the lovers who have come through my marriage counseling office. Many have asked me to write about the principles and skills needed to navigate the treacherous waters of romantic love. I want to give the exhausted souls, who have been taught the pseudo-spirituality of self sacrifice, a ray of hope and a way to revitalize themselves by expressing a more natural, authentic Spirituality of Selfishness.
It is also for the couple who left my office crying, telling me how useful the presence, tools and information I gave them was and asking me to please write something about it so more couples could have access to it. Throughout the book you will see references to Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication(sm). This book is not meant in any way to be a substitute for his thorough and marvelous book on the subject “Nonviolent Communication(sm) – A Language of Compassion” but another expression and explanation of the power of self responsible honesty and empathy.
The reason many people are irritated by the use of the word “selfish’ is because they have been conditioned by our society to think that caring for oneself requires we take advantage of someone else.
Generally these people are very resentful because they have sacrificed their life away and they expect others to do the same. The people who can benefit from this book are those who have suffered, but survived the devastating effects of having any expression of self interest socially punished as “selfish” i.e. “evil”. It’s for those who can recognize “Mom’s hypocrisy” when she use to judge you as “selfish” to coerce you to do something for herself. I want to change the meaning our culture gives the word selfish.
Ayn Rand said that ” the current popular usage of the word selfish is a synonym of evil” and “is responsible, more than any other single factor, for the arrested moral development of mankind.” I hope that some day we will honor people’s gravestones with words like “here lies a truly selfish man” meaning “a great lover of mankind”, “one who sees the ecological relationship between self care and nonviolence to the planet”, “one who took on no responsibility for others allowing him to be greatly responsive to others”, winner of the Nobel Selfishness Prize. It is the wisdom of the ages in simple, digestible humorous form.