What is Nonviolent Communication(sm)?

Nonviolent Communication(sm) Skill Training presents a collection of simple effective techniques which facilitate cooperation and satisfaction in our communication with others and within ourselves. The use of these skills does not depend on the knowledge or use of the skills by others.

As the name implies, this approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification of punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later These techniques allow you to make conscious choices about how you will respond if you get what you want, or if you do not get what you want. It is definitely NOT about guilt and tricking people into giving you what you want.

The skills are built on Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s model for Nonviolent Communication(sm). Development of these skills allows us to focus on and clarify what we and others are observing, how and why we are feeling as we do, and what we would like to have happen. These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others.

Nonviolent Communication skills will assist you in dealing with major blocks in communication such as demands, diagnoses and denials of responsibility. You will learn to express your feelings without attacking and will minimize the likelihood of creating defensiveness in others. The skills will help you to make clear requests. They will assist you in being able to receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, giving in or losing self-esteem. These skills will be useful with your family, friends, students, subordinates, supervisor, co-workers and clients.

Dr. Rosenberg is the founder of The Center for Nonviolent Communication(sm), which presents workshops throughout the world. In the presentations, puppets are often used to demonstrate the choices we have regarding the way we communicate. The “jackal” demonstrates how we interact when we are disagreeable, difficult or demanding. The “giraffe” symbolizes the compassionate communication model… and we all know the giraffe has to “stick its neck out” to get what it wants; it’s vulnerable. The model is a clear, effective and doable plan for communication in a way that is cooperative,
conscious, and compassionate.

To learn more about Nonviolent Communication go to the Frequently Asked Questions section of the international website here.

The Benefits of NVC

  • Transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues
  • Speak their minds without creating hostility
  • Know where to go from “NO”
  • Resolve inter group and intra group conflicts
  • Keep clients and customers satisfied
  • Dissolve the fear of rejection
  • Make meetings more productive
  • Express Technicolor, surround sound appreciation without sounding phony
  • Make requests instead of demands
  • Cope with demands without giving in or becoming defensive
  • Maintaining dignity and caring even when a client is hostile/critical
  • Guide the conversation toward synergistic solutions
  • Never perceive rejection
  • Empathize
  • Eliminate vagueness by making positive action language requests
  • Give honest feedback while maintaining the others’ self esteem
  • Inspire compassion and generosity of spirit in oneself and others

Feelings Inventory

The following are words we use when we want to express a combination of mental states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.

A. Feelings we may experience when our needs are being met

AFFECTIONATE CONFIDENT ENGAGED EXCITED EXHILARATED
compassionatefriendly
loving
openhearted
sympathetic
tender
warm
empowered
open
proud
safe
secure
absorbed
alert
curious
engrossed
enchanted
entranced
fascinated
interested
intrigued
involved
spellbound
stimulated
amazed
animated
ardent
aroused
dazzled
eager
energetic
enthusiastic
giddy
invigorated
lively
passionate
surprised
vibrant
blissful
ecstatic
elated
enthralled
exuberant
radiant
rapturous
thrilled
GRATEFUL HOPEFUL JOYFUL INSPIRED PEACEFUL REFRESHED
appreciative
moved
thankful
touched
expectant
encouraged
optimistic
amused
delighted
glad
happy
jubilant
pleased
tickled
amazed
awed
wonder
calm
clearheaded
comfortable
centered
content
equanimity
fulfilled
mellow
quiet
relaxed
relieved
satisfied
serene
still
tranquil
trusting
enlivened
rejuvenated
renewed
rested
restored
revived

 

B. Feelings we may experience when our needs are not being met

AFRAID ANNOYED ANGRY AVERSION CONFUSED DISCONNECTED DISQUIET
apprehensive
dread
foreboding
frightened
mistrustful
panicked
petrified
scared
suspicious
terrified
wary
worried
aggravated
dismayed
disgruntled
displeased
exasperated
frustrated
impatient
irritated
irked
angry
enraged
furious
incensed
indignant
irate
livid
outraged
resentful
animosity
appalled
contempt
disgusted
dislike
hate
horrified
hostile
repulsed
ambivalent
baffled
bewildered
dazed
hesitant
lost
mystified
perplexed
puzzled
torn
alienated
aloof
apathetic
bored
cold
detached
distant
distracted
indifferent
numb
removed
withdrawn
agitated
alarmed
discombobulated
disconcerted
disturbed
perturbed
rattled
restless
shocked
startled
surprised
troubled
turbulent
turmoil
uncomfortable
uneasy
unnerved
unsettled
upset
EMBARRASSED FATIGUE PAIN SAD TENSE VULNERABLE YEARNING
ashamed
chagrined
flustered
guilty
mortified
self-conscious
beat
burnt out
depleted
exhausted
lethargic
listless
sleepy
tired
weary
worn out
agony
anguished
bereaved
devastated
grief
heartbroken
hurt
lonely
miserable
regretful
remorseful
depressed
dejected
despair
despondent
disappointed
discouraged
disheartened
forlorn
gloomy
heavy hearted
hopeless
melancholy
unhappy
wretched
anxious
cranky
distressed
distraught
edgy
fidgety
frazzled
irritable
jittery
nervous
overwhelmed
restless
stressed out
fragile
guarded
helpless
insecure
leery
reserved
sensitive
shaky
envious
jealous
longing
nostalgic
pining
wistful

 

Needs Inventory

The following list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.

CONNECTION HONESTY PLAY PEACE PHYSICAL WELL-BEING MEANING AUTONOMY
Acceptance
Affection
Appreciation
Belonging
Cooperation
Communication
Closeness
Community
Companionship
Compassion
Consideration
Consistency
Empathy
Inclusion
Intimacy
Love
Mutuality
Nurturing
Respect / Self-respect
Safety
Security
Stability
Support
To know and be known
To see and be seen
To understand and be understood
Trust
Warmth
Authenticity
Integrity
Presence
Joy
Humor
Beauty
Communion
Ease
Equality
Harmony
Inspiration
Order
Air
Food
Movement/exercise
Rest / sleep
Sexual expression
Safety (protection from life threatening situations)
Shelter
Touch
Water
Awareness
Celebration of life
Challenge
Clarity
Competence
Consciousness
Contribution
Creativity
Discovery
Efficacy
Effectiveness
Growth
Learning
Mourning
Participation
Purpose
Self-expression
Stimulation
Understanding
Choice
Freedom
Independence
Space
Spontaneity

Click on this link to see Kelly’s Advice Column

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