Language of Compassion

What is Nonviolent Communication(sm)?

Nonviolent Communication(sm) Skill Training presents a collection of simple effective techniques which facilitate cooperation and satisfaction in our communication with others and within ourselves. The use of these skills does not depend on the knowledge or use of the skills by others.

As the name implies, this approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification of punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later These techniques allow you to make conscious choices about how you will respond if you get what you want, or if you do not get what you want. It is definitely NOT about guilt and tricking people into giving you what you want.

The skills are built on Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s model for Nonviolent Communication(sm). Development of these skills allows us to focus on and clarify what we and others are observing, how and why we are feeling as we do, and what we would like to have happen. These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others.

Nonviolent Communication skills will assist you in dealing with major blocks in communication such as demands, diagnoses and denials of responsibility. You will learn to express your feelings without attacking and will minimize the likelihood of creating defensiveness in others. The skills will help you to make clear requests. They will assist you in being able to receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, giving in or losing self-esteem. These skills will be useful with your family, friends, students, subordinates, supervisor, co-workers and clients.

Dr. Rosenberg is the founder of The Center for Nonviolent Communication(sm), which presents workshops throughout the world. In the presentations, puppets are often used to demonstrate the choices we have regarding the way we communicate. The “jackal” demonstrates how we interact when we are disagreeable, difficult or demanding. The “giraffe” symbolizes the compassionate communication model… and we all know the giraffe has to “stick its neck out” to get what it wants; it’s vulnerable. The model is a clear, effective and doable plan for communication in a way that is cooperative,
conscious, and compassionate.

To learn more about Nonviolent Communication go to the Frequently Asked Questions section of the international website: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/rosenberg/anger-management-faqs.htm

The
Benefits

• 
  Transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues

• 
  Speak their minds without creating hostility

• 
  Know where to go from “NO”

• 
  Resolve inter group and intra group conflicts

• 
  Keep clients and customers satisfied

• 
  Dissolve the fear of rejection

• 
  Make meetings more productive

• 
  Express Technicolor, surround sound appreciation without sounding phony

• 
  Make requests instead of demands

• Cope with demands without giving in or becoming defensive

• Maintaining dignity and caring even when a client is hostile/critical

• Guide the conversation toward synergistic solutions

• Never perceive rejection

• Empathize

• Eliminate vagueness by making positive action language requests

• Give honest feedback while maintaining the others’ self esteem

• Inspire compassion and generosity of spirit in oneself and others

Feelings Inventory

The following are words we use when we want to express a combination of mental states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.

A. Feelings we may experience when our needs are being met

AFFECTIONATE	CONFIDENT	ENGAGED	EXCITED	EXHILARATED
compassionate friendly loving openhearted sympathetic tender warm	empowered open proud safe secure	absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated	amazed animated ardent aroused dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant	blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled
GRATEFUL	HOPEFUL	JOYFUL	INSPIRED	PEACEFUL	REFRESHED
appreciative moved thankful touched	expectant encouraged optimistic	amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled	amazed awed wonder	calm clearheaded comfortable centered content equanimity fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still tranquil trusting	enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revived

B. Feelings we may experience when our needs are not being met

AFRAID	ANNOYED	ANGRY	AVERSION	CONFUSED	DISCONNECTED	DISQUIET
apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried	aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked	angry enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful	animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed	ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn	alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed withdrawn	agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset
EMBARRASSED	FATIGUE	PAIN	SAD	TENSE	VULNERABLE	YEARNING
ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious	beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out	agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful	depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched	anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out	fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky	envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful

Needs Inventory

The following list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.

CONNECTION	HONESTY	PLAY	PEACE	PHYSICAL WELL-BEING	MEANING	AUTONOMY
Acceptance Affection Appreciation Belonging Cooperation Communication Closeness Community Companionship Compassion Consideration Consistency Empathy Inclusion Intimacy Love Mutuality Nurturing Respect / Self-respect Safety Security Stability Support To know and be known To see and be seen To understand and be understood Trust Warmth	Authenticity Integrity Presence	Joy Humor	Beauty Communion Ease Equality Harmony Inspiration Order	Air Food Movement/exercise Rest / sleep Sexual expression Safety (protection from life threatening situations) Shelter Touch Water	Awareness Celebration of life Challenge Clarity Competence Consciousness Contribution Creativity Discovery Efficacy Effectiveness Growth Learning Mourning Participation Purpose Self-expression Stimulation Understanding	Choice Freedom Independence Space Spontaneity

Click on this link to see
Kelly’s Advice Column

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