Nonviolent Communication(sm) Skill Training presents a collection of simple effective techniques which facilitate cooperation and satisfaction in our communication with others and within ourselves. The use of these skills does not depend on the knowledge or use of the skills by others.
As the name implies, this approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification of punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later These techniques allow you to make conscious choices about how you will respond if you get what you want, or if you do not get what you want. It is definitely NOT about guilt and tricking people into giving you what you want.
The skills are built on Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s model for Nonviolent Communication(sm). Development of these skills allows us to focus on and clarify what we and others are observing, how and why we are feeling as we do, and what we would like to have happen. These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others.
Nonviolent Communication skills will assist you in dealing with major blocks in communication such as demands, diagnoses and denials of responsibility. You will learn to express your feelings without attacking and will minimize the likelihood of creating defensiveness in others. The skills will help you to make clear requests. They will assist you in being able to receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, giving in or losing self-esteem. These skills will be useful with your family, friends, students, subordinates, supervisor, co-workers and clients.
Dr. Rosenberg is the founder of The Center for Nonviolent Communication(sm), which presents workshops throughout the world. In the presentations, puppets are often used to demonstrate the choices we have regarding the way we communicate. The “jackal” demonstrates how we interact when we are disagreeable, difficult or demanding. The “giraffe” symbolizes the compassionate communication model… and we all know the giraffe has to “stick its neck out” to get what it wants; it’s vulnerable. The model is a clear, effective and doable plan for communication in a way that is cooperative,
conscious, and compassionate.
To learn more about Nonviolent Communication go to the Frequently Asked Questions section of the international website here.
The Benefits of NVC
- Transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues
- Speak their minds without creating hostility
- Know where to go from “NOâ€
- Resolve inter group and intra group conflicts
- Keep clients and customers satisfied
- Dissolve the fear of rejection
- Make meetings more productive
- Express Technicolor, surround sound appreciation without sounding phony
- Make requests instead of demands
- Cope with demands without giving in or becoming defensive
- Maintaining dignity and caring even when a client is hostile/critical
- Guide the conversation toward synergistic solutions
- Never perceive rejection
- Empathize
- Eliminate vagueness by making positive action language requests
- Give honest feedback while maintaining the others’ self esteem
- Inspire compassion and generosity of spirit in oneself and others
Feelings Inventory
The following are words we use when we want to express a combination of mental states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
A. Feelings we may experience when our needs are being met
| AFFECTIONATE | CONFIDENT | ENGAGED | EXCITED | EXHILARATED | |
| compassionatefriendly loving openhearted sympathetic tender warm |
empowered open proud safe secure |
absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated |
amazed animated ardent aroused dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant |
blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled |
|
| GRATEFUL | HOPEFUL | JOYFUL | INSPIRED | PEACEFUL | REFRESHED |
| appreciative moved thankful touched |
expectant encouraged optimistic |
amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled |
amazed awed wonder |
calm clearheaded comfortable centered content equanimity fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still tranquil trusting |
enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revived |
B. Feelings we may experience when our needs are not being met
| AFRAID | ANNOYED | ANGRY | AVERSION | CONFUSED | DISCONNECTED | DISQUIET |
| apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried |
aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked |
angry enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful |
animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed |
ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn |
alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed withdrawn |
agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset |
| EMBARRASSED | FATIGUE | PAIN | SAD | TENSE | VULNERABLE | YEARNING |
| ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious |
beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out |
agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful |
depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched |
anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out |
fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky |
envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful |
Needs Inventory
The following list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
| CONNECTION | HONESTY | PLAY | PEACE | PHYSICAL WELL-BEING | MEANING | AUTONOMY |
| Acceptance Affection Appreciation Belonging Cooperation Communication Closeness Community Companionship Compassion Consideration Consistency Empathy Inclusion Intimacy Love Mutuality Nurturing Respect / Self-respect Safety Security Stability Support To know and be known To see and be seen To understand and be understood Trust Warmth |
Authenticity Integrity Presence |
Joy Humor |
Beauty Communion Ease Equality Harmony Inspiration Order |
Air Food Movement/exercise Rest / sleep Sexual expression Safety (protection from life threatening situations) Shelter Touch Water |
Awareness Celebration of life Challenge Clarity Competence Consciousness Contribution Creativity Discovery Efficacy Effectiveness Growth Learning Mourning Participation Purpose Self-expression Stimulation Understanding |
Choice Freedom Independence Space Spontaneity |
